In recent times, news of fathers raping their daughters or the young daughters of neighbours or friends has filled my ears and heart with disgust and repulsion. Paedophilia is sexual feelings directed towards children. As a mother to a boy and a girl I am very particular about who I leave my kids with. Everyday there’s a fresh case of child molestation and the abusers are judged and punished and no one thinks to find out the cause. Paedophilia is a mental disorder but not all paedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are paedophiles. It has to do with discipline and control. A 40 year old man can find a 7 year old girl sexually attractive and would not act on it. He buries those thoughts because he has control and discipline. At the same time, the same man may not find the little girl attractive but will touch her inappropriately and even rape her because he needs to feel in control. Strange thing is it is not exclusive to little girls anymore. Little boys are in danger too but what causes people to have sexual feelings for children? Questions are being asked.
Most paedophiles were molested and/or bullied as children. It becomes some sort of role reversal. They were abused and didn’t like the feeling of being the victim so they in turn prey on younger kids, and because the society didn’t make it convenient for people to speak up and point out their accusers, they dealt with it in silence. It’s a vicious cycle.
Low self confidence is also a factor because when an individual feels inadequate for whatever reason, either as a result of a disability or background, they find it hard to mingle in circles with their age group because they feel inferior to them. A man with inferiority complex cannot woo a woman his age so he takes to sexually abusing children because that’s the only way he can assert control.
The internet doesn’t help either; it allows psychos feed their demons by a quick search. What you feed your eyes with sticks in your mind and make you want to act on it. Also, some mothers raise their children to feel entitled. They grow up believing if they want something, they ought to have it. So instead of suppressing thoughts of paedophilia, they ask themselves why not.
Like bisexuality, some paedophiles cannot help themselves, they can’t control their urges and they genuinely can’t stop their thoughts. But it is hard to speak up for them because when you try to get people to understand, they assume you are one of them and you accept the evil. Truth is, I don’t really mind if all child molesters are tied up and burnt on a stake, but before then I would just like for the government or whoever is in charge of things like this to study the behavioural pattern of paedophiles and create help lines for counselling and then maybe then we can curb it and find a cure.
It is becoming an epidemic. Fathers, uncles, babysitters, teachers etc they are all guilty and it is hard to trust anyone but you certainly can’t take your children everywhere with you 247. So it is best to teach them to be outspoken and also let us make ourselves easily accessible and approachable. Fact is, if we lay the right foundation, no matter what life hands them, the values still remain with our kids, God help us.
Peace and love
Ms Ssygala, is the mother of two rambunctious kids and blogging is her last line to sanity
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