Women are emotional beings, which is why unlike men, cheating hardly ever “just happened”, it takes a lot of mental preparation and planning. Men are attracted to what they see. A sexy numbskull in a tight dress at the right place and at the right time is the entire recipe they require. In the days of old, women were readily docile and loyal in relationships because most were financially dependent on their partners and didn’t want to mess with the status quo, but those days are long gone. Nowadays, more and more women are becoming assertive and financially independent.
I know some guys are rolling their eyes in exasperation asking so what do women really want? Well, I did a little digging and a survey, not to show that ALL women cheat, but to highlight WHY those who do so, do so.
She doesn’t feel an emotional connection
This is by far the most common reason why a woman would play an away game. Communication is important in a relationship and it isn’t monosyllabic. It is not about the woman talking and the man grunting and giving one word answers. The compulsion to swap stories should be reciprocal. Showing sensitivity and vulnerability doesn’t make you any less of a man. I have come to understand that most men think an emotional connection is by pure happenstance. It isn’t. It requires both parties putting in work.
No matter how boring her stories are, listen, show concern and interest and share some of yours. Otherwise, before you know it, there is another dude asking her “How did your day go?” and she’ll be pouring her heart out to him then spreading her legs too.
She feels insecure in the relationship
It is one thing for a woman to feel confident and secure and it’s another for her to feel that way in her relationship. Most women seek validation from their partners to make them feel good about themselves. So while the man may love them unconditionally, they still need to be made to feel secure. Locking your phone and being conscious so your partner doesn’t handle it is a red flag guys.
Some men will make the woman feel like she can never do right meanwhile they are natural flirts and have wandering eyes, lots of female friends and colleagues, and are indecisive. The lady never really knows what the relationship is about. When the woman fails to get the validation she needs, she tends to look elsewhere.
When she feels taken for granted or unappreciated
Taking for granted a woman who loves and cares for you is the biggest mistake a man can make but it’s also the most common mistake men make. A woman would cook, clean, bake and bend over backwards for a man she loves without expecting anything (tangible) in return. She doesn’t have to, but she does so anyway. You don’t need to buy her a car or a house to show you appreciate the little things she does for you. A simple “Thank you baby” an “I love you” or “I appreciate you”; some acknowledgement is all she needs. She doesn’t even have to do anything for you to get her something she likes. It can be as simple as a cup of ice-cream, just show her you care.
See also: Are you really your boo’s boo?
Truth is, she may not even notice you haven’t been doing right by her or she might have resigned herself to accepting that’s who you are, till a Mr-Steal-Your-Girl (usually a close male friend or colleague) reciprocates her care and shows her what it feels like to be really appreciated. And then you’re left singing that James Blunt song –
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend…
He ain’t hitting it right and she’s sexually dissatisfied
Thing is, some men are selfish in bed. Not on purpose, but they are so caught up in reaching their orgasm that they forget they need to please their woman too. So it’s like Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’m then they roll over and start snoring. There’s no climax for her and she’s left staring into space. In a relationship, a woman’s idea of great sex involves intimacy, she wants foreplay and she wants to cuddle after. Sometimes the man may be too tired or too preoccupied for sex so he leaves his woman discontent because he’s hardly in the mood. Fact is there’s nothing worse for a woman than ending up with a stoic bed mate. The tendency to cheat then is very high.
See also: Port Harcourt D
However, the reality is that sparks will fade when you have had sex with the same person for a long time. Romance starts to feel superfluous and tedious. I recommend trying out new stuff, taking some time off to rediscover each other, sex games, sex therapy etc. whatever to bring the magic back to your bedroom.
She’s not getting enough attention or affection
Ignoring a woman, depriving her of affection, attention and compliments, is telling her it’s okay for her to start cheating. Most men now are always working, “hustling”, they are hardly home, barely pick up calls when they are absent and when they do come home, they need to rush off again. A friend of mine, Tade’s, husband is a workaholic so she has had to carve out a life for her and their 3 kids without him. She has been in an extramarital affair for a year and 5 months and her husband doesn’t even have a clue. Not so many people can bear being without affection and attention from a loved one for a long period of time.
No matter how busy you are, always remember to check in on your girl, compliment her always and make her feel beautiful and desired, send her texts in between work to show you’re thinking about her. That shouldn’t be so difficult.
The relationship feels stuck in a rut
Going in and out of the same routine with a loved one can be frustrating and monotonous. You gradually become emotionally distant and begin to seek novelty outside the relationship for the thrill. Contrary to popular belief, women do need excitement as much as men. When she feels stuck in a rut she may unconsciously start to fantasize and daydream about other ways to shake things up for herself and they usually hardly involve you because you have become boring and a drag.
I’m no therapist but I like to preach spontaneity. If you have kids, let someone else watch them while you both go to dinner, try out some new club, watch a movie… whatever, as long as it is not the same thing you did yesterday and the day before and the day before that…
“He cheated first” and this is about revenge
If I had a kobo every time I heard this. I would be typing this post from my hotel room in Hawaii. Cheating on a woman leaves her feeling angry, hurt and not good enough. Clearly trust would be broken and forgiveness would be hard to come by. She becomes an emotional wreck and seeks retribution and validation of her sexuality in the arms of another man.
See also: 4 other reasons why women cheat
Being abusive to a woman verbally, physically or mentally can also cause her to cheat as that would be her only means of getting back at you and away from you. Some men are natural bullies and want a woman that would be scared of them. A little attention from a guy that treats her slightly better than you is all the courage she needs.
I think couples should do a lot more communicating with candour. Talk about what the issue is. If you feel bored or unappreciated, let your partner know. If they don’t think it’s broken how would they know they ought to fix it? And if they don’t think it right to change or do well by you, leave the relationship. There is ALWAYS someone better. Be honest and diplomatic in your approach always.
Peace, Love and chicken grease
Ms Ssygala, is the mother of two rambunctious kids and blogging is her last line to sanity
Views expressed are only those of the authors.
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