Nobody wants to end up alone and lonely. I was complaining to my psychologist friend the other day that I needed therapy because I felt something was wrong with my relationships, he offered to talk to me for a while and after about an hour, he came to the conclusion that I had ‘commitment issues.’ My first thoughts were, ‘Me? Commitment issues ke, in this Nigeria?’ Well, after further analysis, I came to accept that I might actually have this, commitment crap and I’ve decided to beat it, I don’t want to be alone forever you know. (That’s what my friend said I’d be if I didn’t work hard to overcome “problem “) Anyways, so I always thought this issue was just someone not wanting to get married and all, but it goes way past that; people with commitment issues can’t keep lasting relationships (even if they really would love to).
How to know you have commitment issues?
1 – You tend to date people you know you really shouldn’t because you know it would never work; maybe a way younger person, someone in a committed relationship already, someone who’s ethnicity or religion you don’t even like.
2 – You claim you love being alone and independent. Let’s just be sincere to ourselves, no one wants to be alone, maybe for a few hours or a day or two, but forever? You know loneliness is killing you but you’d rather be alone.
3 – You settle for relationships that you know won’t last, you tend to just go with relationships that will be fun and short termed.
4 – You fantasize too much. This is so me, if you could see the perfect relationship I have up in my head, how farfetched they are, you’d probably just shake your head and cry for me. If you’re like this, building worlds that are way too unrealistic you’re probably commitment phobic.
5 – You’re still nursing a broken heart since last Millennium and keep thinking all relationship would end in a similar heart break.
6 – You have qualities that scare off partners and you’re not willing to compromise them for anyone, maybe you have a lot of male friends or you live a very wild lifestyle and even though you know these jeopardize any relationship you’d rather be single than let them go.
7 – You keep making excuses … ‘Ooh please, he’s not this, she’s not that, I’m too this, I’m too that, people cheat and people lie…’ blah blah blah … and you kid yourself a lot ‘Abeg, love doesn’t exist, how can I find love in these hard times … who even wants a relationship?’ blah blah bla.
8 – You are too picky, if for some reasons you’re unnecessarily picky, then you have a problem, “He has blue shoes on, her nail isn’t long enough, his jeans aren’t too tight, her job is too good.” Seriously?
9 – You love the chase and after that you get bored, hence the short lived relationships.
10 – If you’ve never been in a committed relationship, then my dear, you probably are battling with commitment issues and it is time to overcome it; if not you will be alone while all your friends get married with beautiful kids while you’ll cry yourself to sleep everyday in a lonely house all by your independent self.
What to do?
1 – Try communication!
This is quite healthy and it will help you express your fears to your future partner or whoever you’re talking to, remember the first step to healing is acceptance, so accept you have a problem and talk about it.
2 -Date people who are available, people who are serious and not afraid to commit to you. Stop settling for people that you know you shouldn’t be with.
3 – Stop fantasizing too much. If it’s so hard, go write a book, pour all your fantasies there and come back to reality, you won’t marry Theo walcott, he’s already married and you live in Port Harcourt, so better calm down and listen to what Emeka has to say, he might actually be the one.
4 – Yes someone broke your heart, but that was years ago! They’re happy in a relationship, you have to let it go and move on. Look for your own happy relationship, not all relationships will end like that horrible one. You have to realize that and quickly.
5 – Living la vida loca is all fun and stuff but is it really worth it when you’ll end up alone and miserable? It’s time to drop some qualities that scare your potentials away, be a little bit more caring and accommodating, let go of the excessive partying, the too much male or female around, all the time flirting, it’s time to get serious.
6 – You deserve love. Love will find you, but first you have to believe this and it will come to you, you can go to it too you know.
No one is perfect, If you don’t like the shoes, that’s fixable, tell him to ditch them; buy him new ones and if he likes you he will want to make a few changes too. The nails could be made longer too, those are really nothing to lose a good partner over, stop the excuses, and stop kidding yourself. No matter how you kid yourself, no one wants to end up alone. The sooner you realize that commitment issues really is an issue and you have to work on yourself, the better for you.
Views expressed are only those of the authors.
You may share your own views in the comments section.
NOTICE: You can now send us your articles and stories and get published right away. For more details click here.