There was this story on my timeline (Twitter) the other day; so this lady had been dating a guy for 14 years and last Christmas he broke up with her and got engaged to another lady. (As a girl) I was furious. I blabbed about how wicked men were. But then one of my Twitter followers kept saying the lady should also share some of the blame for being treated that way. So let’s analyze this she was 23 when they met and she stayed in the relationship until 37. At some point, she must have known the relationship had no future; I mean at 23 people are even ready for marriage. Let’s say they weren’t then, but 5 years later they’re still not ready?
Females are not like guys, especially in this Nigeria. Guys have all the time to get married, we have a clock that is just tick-tocking away, so if a guy is wasting your time better leave him or you’ll be 37 and alone, planning to go on a 1st date. This sort of story isn’t even new to us, we hear about people dating for 5, 6, 7 or more years and the guy just ups and leaves to get married to someone he met yesterday, as unfair as it is, it really isn’t even anyone’s fault. So if you notice any slight sign that it isn’t working anymore, it just might be best you leave. Here are a few things to consider:
- If your partner doesn’t ever want to hear talks about “the future” you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize there actually might be “no future”. Do not date anyone you do not see a future with!
- If your partner suddenly starts to pick a fight, if you cant seem to resolve conflict and you’re even starting to bicker publicly, it means the respect is gone. How will you settle down with someone who doesn’t respect you?
- If you feel the interest is gone, you don’t miss each other anymore when you are away, if your patner seems to want to be alone these days and only keeps in contact because he just has to, not because he want to – the moment the communication becomes reluctant, strained or superficial, if you guys hardly have what to say to each other – then there is a problem.
- If you’re not happy; for some reason you’ve lost that loving feeling you used to have for yourselves, you feel miserable, doubt creeps in, you keep questioning yourself about the relationship, you somehow feel something is missing, even when you’re together you feel lonely, believe me, your partner would feel the same and don’t be surprised if they leave.
- The moment you notice your partner has started keeping some secrets, that’s always sign that something is up.
- If there is always an excuse not to have sex or if sex is the only thing keeping you two together, it’s time to reevaluate. Attraction is important, once your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore, he will go and look for someone else.
- If your partner keeps cheating on you, you notice his eyes keep wandering, you’re not enough for him anymore. Then its time for some space.
- If you keep breaking up and making up, this shows instability, and perhaps you’re afraid to be alone (this isn’t a good reason to be in a relationship) its better to let go now than enter a marriage full of misery (that is if he would even want to marry you).
- If your partner’s bad traits start getting worse instead of better, he starts smoking more, he starts keeping more late nights, he’s more secretive … If you have to make excuses for his bad behavior. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you. He might claim you’re bringing out the worst in him.
- The moment his perception of you changes, he doesn’t like what he used to about you. Well then, you won’t expect him to stay with someone he doesn’t like how she laughs.
- It’s good to not listen to people all the time and do what makes you happy, but close friends and family want what’s best for you, so if these people keep thinking your relationship will crash, you might actually want to see things from their point of view.
- The moment mistrust comes into the picture, oh well… break up is eminent.
- Evaluate your missions in life, if it doesn’t mesh anymore, if your values, morals and beliefs start getting misaligned, when you both start wanting different things its pretty obvious one person will want out.
- Everyone enters a relationship because of one thing or the other, the moment you or your partner stops getting what you need from the relationship well … someone will be really unhappy.
- The moment your partner starts abusing you, verbally, physically or emotionally do yourself the favour and break up because that might even be what he wants.
- Now this is the most important, the moment you realize your relationship isn’t anymore where it always started, you should move out and move on. Your partner isn’t stupid (hopefully) so before you waste both your times just leave, he might leave 1st.
Most of these signs are clear before a guy ups and leaves a relationship. Someone claimed the reason some guys take forever to break up is because they don’t want to hurt the girl and would prefer she ends it. So if you notice one or more of these signs, confront your partner if he doesn’t make any effort to change I think it’s pretty clear he’s tired. Do the right thing and go, if it’s meant to be it will be, if not? Someone better will definitely come along. Better to start looking for the person now than 14 years later.
By Nina, @Lord__Nina
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