How do you deal with an abusive relationship? How do you help a friend come out of one? Let me share a few thoughts with you that you might find helpful.
My very good friend stayed in an abusive relationship for close to 3 years.It was crazy. I watched first hand what it turned her into and believe me it wasn’t pretty. For years this guy made my friend his puppet. My friend did everything he wanted, she cooked, cleaned and supported him financially and still endured physical and verbal abuse amongst other forms of embarrassment. By the time that relationship ended it had succeeded in destroying a lot of things about her; her reputation, her self esteem, her relationship with people … even till today she wonders how and why she was so stupid. If I get into details what this girl went through you’d probably think she was stupid too like I did, but I’ve come to understand that there are some situations you’d never understand even if it happened to you.
Physical abuse or even verbal in relationships are not new to us, we hear stories about it, we’ve even seen it or experienced it. Those that haven’t swear no man can ever lay hands on them. Well, no man would if you are careful to look out for some little signs, men who tend to be abusive don’t just get that way in a day, they posses some traits and if you see them, my sister Biko run for your dear life before a man you claim to love hits you to death.
Be wary of guys who are uncomfortable with vulnerability
If he doesn’t like to share his feelings but likes to keep it all bottled inside, be wary; he might just lash out one day and you’ll find your head making contact with the wall. Now obviously, I’m not saying all guys who don’t share their feelings are abusers, I’m just saying be careful around such people — all these slow poison people.
Selfish and self-centered
Even if someone you want to be in a relationship with isn’t an abuser you have to agree that this trait is rather unattractive. I mean, would you love to have a partner that only thinks about himself?
Guys who would hit you eventually always posses these traits, they really could care less about anyone but themselves. They love to be the centre of attention and tend to get agitated when they are not, hence slapping the shit outta you. I mean how dare you make eba when he wanted rice? How dare you laugh at Johns jokes louder than his?
If a guy often feels entitled to stuff
He has to have everything he wants, things just has to go the way he wants, well… he might knock craze out of your head the day you decide you have a headache and can’t follow him to his Ex’s wedding.
Is he a control freak?
I really dunno about you but control freaks scare me, you always have to tiptoe around them. If your partner is a control freak, a dictator general in your relationship, he wants you to ask how high when he says jump, he wants you to wear that cloth he bought you everyday, he wants you to tell him where you went when he called you and you picked at the 2nd ring, he wants to know why you use close up when he uses maccleans, my sister, run! Control freaks tend to be manipulative, they want to control you, order you about, rule your life. Run far away before he slaps you so hard your face looks like a raccoon’s because of toothpaste.
Guys who see women as possession, property, their belonging, would obviously not have any scruples about using them as a punching bag, they even tend to think women are inferior, so stay away from such, except if of course you like being a punching bag
First signs of violent tendencies
If he shows signs of violence towards you, animals or people, you should probably be a bit scared. Because one day his ‘I go slap you now’ might actually happen and trust me, he will do more than slap you.
Being jealous can be sexy, but when he’s overly jealous and tends to be insecure
This might be trouble. If he gets all angry and hyperventilating because your male friend said ‘hi’, or someone looked at you or you said ‘wow!’ when you saw Iyanya raise his shirt in a music video better just leave that relationship, he’s a time bomb waiting to explode any second.
Abusive men tend to confuse Love and abuse. So if oga boyfriend thinks he should hit a grown ass woman to show he loves her, he’s probably sick and should be girlfriend less until he recovers.
Ask about his past before dating him, if he hit his exs.
But of course people change.
Yes, I know love is hard and men are scarce now, don’t use that mentality and decide to endure, don’t go thinking these are just traits after all he might be different; he actually might be, but he also might not. Don’t wait till they are singing no more no more for you before you decide to take precautionary measures. Women are strong, guys are strong too one hit from them could send you to an early grave.
Try and stay away from abusive men, unless you like it though I hear people love to be beaten. But why would anyone want to stay in an abusive relationship?
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